


it's just so convenient to be fragile

by fabulous_but_evil



Series: watching the signals that you send [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Character Study, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s04s12 Soul Mates, F/M, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Internalized Sexism, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Multi, Or At Least The Attempt At One, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Conscious Derek, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sexism, Trans Character, Trans Derek, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, toxic masculinity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-16 11:43:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14164107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabulous_but_evil/pseuds/fabulous_but_evil
Summary: "I don't even think you're a real man."He doesn't know why he said that. The more he thinks about it, he comes to think of it as something close to a freudian slip.[Set in 4x12]





	it's just so convenient to be fragile

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I headcanoned Derek as trans since episode one and because his choice of words in 4x12 made me angry af. (I mean, I get that he probably just tried to provoke the suspect but still.)

"I don't even think you're a real man."

He doesn't know why he said that. The more he thinks about it, he comes to think of it as something close to a freudian slip. He assumes he said it out of sheer disbelief that a cis man - born a man, raised a man, always considered a man by society, unlike Derek himself - could actually have less balls than him.

He doesn't even know what he meant to imply by that.

Impotence? How, when this man has a daughter and raped a bunch of women?

Homosexuality? He shakes his head. He knows that being attracted to men is neither a weakness nor unmanly.

He pushes those thoughts away and focuses on the case at hand, half-heartedly making a mental note to watch his tongue the next time he enters the interrogation room.

Which he doesn't, of course, this time actually telling William Harris to man-up, a stupid phrase he hates more than he hated his body and the way society treated it when he was fifteen.

And he doesn't, for a very long time, choosing to protect the man he loves from the FBI over protecting his daughter from a rapist.

And when he does, he only does it because he realized it's his only chance to say goodbye to said man before they'll both end up in prison, divided by the fact that their love ended in nothing but betrayal.

And Derek realises that he's a better man than William Harris, and no matter if that means that he is also more of a man than him, he decides it's enough.


End file.
